McMurphy's Tavern0230 ZULUI walk into McMurphy's, the place of so many of my revelations, and look around. Harm is not with me, I am alone in this. He had to pick up Mattie and thought that it would be better if I conquered this alone. He told me to figure things out and then come to him when I've decided what's important to me. I love Harm so much, he's been there for me for ten years, through every heartbreak and every downfall. But Fox, Fox was the first man I truly fell in love with. He was the one who forced me to dry out and the first man to love me for every part of me. We had fallen in love so fast and he proposed a month after he met me, it took Harm ten years. I love them both and now, how am I to decide?I finally see Fox and Dana sitting in a both at the end of the bar. Taking a deep breath, I folded my hands in front of my stomach, and made my way towards them. The look I am getting from Dana is a look that could kill and my head begins to hurt as I think of her blow. But I saw the look in her eyes when I kissed Fox, obviously her man. And I feel guilty, but I love him, and couldn't help but indulge myself."Fox..." I murmur as I step up to the table.
*After Scully had left Mulder at McMurphy's she had headed home and drowned her sorrows away in a nice, hot bubble bath. But then she immediately had to get out, tears coming to her eyes as she remembers all the bubble baths she and Mulder had shared in the past. She didn't think her heart had ever heart this badly and she wanted nothing more than to turn herself away from the rest of the world. The one person, whom she thought would never hurt her, had just hurt her in the most horrible way. She had then collapsed onto her bed in the dark crying her eyes for the love she'd knew she'd never have again. She then rolled over and happen to catch glimpse of a framed photo of she and Mulder and she only cried harder as she reached out and threw it off her nightside table.* 'This is insane' *She thought to herself, she needed closure before she could allow herself to go on and she was not going to sit around and wait for him to come to her, she was going to go to him. She scrambled out of bed and threw on a pair of old jeans and sweater and headed to Mulder's. She knocked softly but when she got no response, she pulled out her key and entered, and just as she walked in and just as she stepped into the living room, she stopped dead in her tracks her heart stopped.* "...I love what you do to me. But, I love Dana too..." *Scully felt tears well in her eyes again as she brought a hand to her mouth.* "Oh my God..." *She then felt her heart break that final time as she saw that woman lying on top of Mulder.*
I knew that voice, the hate, the anger, the hurt. Jumping off the couch, the redheaded petite Dana glared at me. "Oh God! It's not what you think! Or maybe it is... hell, I don't know what it is!" That's when she flew at me, kinda like a flying squirrel really, but Fox got in between us. "Dana, Dana, listen to me." Some time between the time she yelled 'Oh God' and I yelled 'Oh God', he managed to get his pants on. "Listen to me dammit!" She was lunging at me and the only thing that prevented her from succeeding was Fox. "She and I need to figure this out! I don't want to be married to you and have doubts or be thinking about her, that would be loving you in a false sense!" He explained to Dana, who in return, began to cry. "Why do you have doubts Mulder? I've been here through everything! Where has she been, huh? You were married and she just popped out of your life! Why the hell do you have doubts?" He groped her upper arms. "Dana, dammit, hear me out! I want to be with you, but she and I had or have a lot together and I need to figure that out first before I go making promises to you." I attempted to dress myself inconspicuously behind him, but it didn't seem to be working. "You coniving bitch!" The redhead pulled out of Mulder's grasp and lunged at me while I attempted to hook my bra.
*Mulder's words didn't have any weight on me. I just couldn't stand the sight of this woman, who was taking away the most important person in my life.* "You coniving bitch! You come back into Mulder's life and take away the most important person in my life! I hate you for that!" *I lunged at her gripping her by the forearms and shaking her as hard as I could, the tears falling down my face before I finally just collapsed onto the floor and curled up into a ball. I wanted to die, I had nothing else to live for. The only man I ever truly loved was leaving me and it suddenly felt like my whole world was coming crashing down on top of me. What did I do to deserve this?*
Grabbing the rest of my clothes, I hurriedly dressed, much to Fox's disappointment apparently, because he never took his eyes off of me. Grabbing my purse and my jacket, I stepped over, laid a hand on Fox's forearm and kissed his cheek. "Talk to her, explain things, and give me a call later." Handing him my business card, I stepped around him and over the poor hopeless ball in the floor. "Sarah..." Fox called after me. I slowly turned. "You ought to talk to Harm too, he's going to need to know." I nodded and dropped my head. That was a conversation that I'd rather not have. As I shut the door behind me, I saw Fox kneel beside Dana and pull her over into his lap, rocking back and forth with her and kissing her forehead. And every cell in my body urged to be in those arms once more.
*I watched Sarah leave, a little disappointed, but I knew we still had things to take care of before we could continue. I walked over to Scully sat down beside her, pulling her into my lap and rocking her back and forth comfortingly. I kissed her forehead. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, nor what I am going to do. Inside I am so conflicted, my emotions are warring with themselves. I love her so much, but I also still have feelings for Sarah. I can't be with Scully when I know those feelings are still running rampant through me, it isn't fair to her, to either of us. I continue to sit there, just holding her and rocking her back and forth, letting out a deep sigh of my own as she sobs into my bare chest. What the hell am I going to do now?*
*When she finally leaves, I almost wish I could just shrivel up into a ball and disappear. The last thing I want right now is to be left alone in a room with him. I then feel him come to me and kneel by me, taking me into his arms. I have no choice but to comply as I curl helplessly into his embrace, for what will probably be one of the last times. I can't believe I'm losing him. Never in a million years would I have thought anything like this would have happened. After a while, I pull back and look up at him miserably.* "This is over, isn't it? I mean you pretty much showed it by bringing her back to your apartment!" *I spat the words at him as I suddenly realized how close I was to him and suddenly pushed out of his embrace.* "I mean we're not even officially broken up and you already sleep with her! Do you know how much that hurts?!" *I look down at him, tears streaming down my cheeks.* "I never expected this, Mulder...not from you..."
"I'm sorry Scully, that's not why I brought her back here. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, it just...did. And for that I am truly sorry. But Dana, I won't know that what we have together is real unless I explore my relationship for her first. You don't want me to have any doubts about this, about us, do you?" *I looked up at her, realized she would probably never understand why I had to do this, but I had to do it nonetheless.* "I'm sorry Dana, I never meant to hurt you, this was the last thing I ever expected to happen. I know you can't understand, but please, just give me some time to see this through. If you can't wait for me, I'll understand. But I want you to know that I do love you. I love you Dana." *I finished in barely a whisper, knowing that she would hate me now and probably never forgive me, and for that I was truly sorry.*
*Scully closed her eyes and brought her hand up to try and catch the tears that still continued to fall down her cheeks. She looked back up at him, through her tearful gaze as she said mournfully.* "I'm sorry, I don't...I can't make any judgement of all this right now. I'm still way too fragile and my emotions are still raw. I'm going to need...some time. I'm going to ask for a transfer, Mulder. I'm going to go back to Quantico, it would just be far too painful for me to continue working with you. I hope you understand, this." *She moved to him and reached to kiss his cheek.* "Until we meet again, goodbye Fox Mulder."
*It broke my heart to watch her go, and it was tearing me up inside that I did this to her, but it had to be. I understood completely that she needed to get away from me, and I didn't blame her one bit. Time away from one another would do us both some good, no matter how much it hurt, I knew it was the only real solution. I whispered softly.* "I understand Scully. Goodbye." *I said nothing more, just let her kiss my cheek and walk away, watching her walk out my door, and possibly my life, forever.*