JAG HQ1100 ZULUHarm sticks his head in the doorway and smiles. "Hey, you ready to go to lunch." I nod and close a file on a new case I'm working on, finally glad to have something different than that damned ex-FBI agent file."Yeah, just let me close stuff up here." I close all the open windows on my computer and stand up. But a pain shoots through my back. I lean over towards my desk, grabbing it, and my face shows the pain. Harm, being the man he is, rushes towards me."You okay?" I nod."Yeah, I just uh... I stood up too fast.""You're full of it Mac. It's the endometriosis, isn't it? When was your last doctor's appointment?" I laugh and meet his eyes."Mom, I'm fine. Okay? My last appointment was three months ago, I just stood up too fast. I'm fine, really." I stand up straight and the pain is gone. But I'm instantly worried. I had surgery, they fixed what had happened, or somewhat at least, and say that if Harm and I decide to make the step to parenthood, he could donate sperm and they could extract my eggs and mix them, then put them back in me, and we might possibly be able to make a baby. I don't want my option gone, but anymore, I wonder if Harm even wants a child. He hasn't mentioned it or even said anything about it. And that surprises me.When we get in the car, he pulls out and as we're driving, lays his hand over mine on my thigh and looks over at me. "Mac, I want to ask you something." And then I realize it's coming. "Do you still want children?" I turn and look at him."Of course I do Harm. I've always wanted children, you know that. It's just, I don't know, Chloe has been going through some rough stuff lately and has been confiding in me and of course, Mattie is like my own child, and well, I just haven't really thought about having my own in a while.""But you still want one?""Yeah, I do." I whisper, picking up his hand and laying a gentle kiss on the back of it."Do you want to try?" I sigh and look out the windshield."I just don't want to do all of this and then it turn out bad. It only hurts me when things don't turn out. I mean, what if we spend all this money and have all these procedures done and then we still can't make a child?""But what if we do all this and we do?" I close my eyes as I feel the tears come."I just don't now Harm. Why don't we discuss this at home later. I'm hungry and a bit agitated about a case right now, I'll be clear minded later." He drops it and that surprises me beyond words.Pulling up to McMurphy's, we get out of the car and go in.
*I really am not happy to be here, these two people are the last two I really want to see or much less be having drinks with right now. But I love Mulder and I can tell he doesn't want to be rude by just getting up and walking out of here. So I'll go along with this and tolerate them. I have to force myself to smile as we walk up to them and I tell myself I'm going to be as nice to this woman as I possibly can. I have no reason whatsoever to be best buddies with her and her attitude towards me is really starting to tick me off. I mean who does this woman think she is? She comes in and sleeps with my partner and then expects me to be best friends? I do *not* think so. I am pulled out of my thoughts when she tells us that they have moved in together and I say the first thing that comes to mind.* "That's great!" *My voice is probably a little too enthuiastic, but I don't care what this bitch thinks about me, she slept with my partner. I then immediately come back with that we've been staying at each other's apartments, and call it a freduian slip but I blurt out that I was really hoping for a house. I feel Mulder's hand tighten in mind as he pulls me closer in the booth and I turn to look at him, wondering what he's up too. He then shocks the hell out of me when he announces that he has something to tell me and I think I feel my heart stop. Oh God Mulder, what are you about to do here? I look up into his eyes and hold my breath and I feel my eyes go wide as he announces he bought us a house. I'm shocked, beyond comparision. I look at him, trying to see if he's kidding but I then realize he is completely serious.* "Oh, Mulder..." *Completely forgetting about the couple in front of us, I move into him embrace hugging him tight as I cover his mouth with mine.*
I know that Mac wants us all to be friends (that's just the way that she is...thinking that she can save the world.....I love her for it, but sometimes I'm afraid that she'll be let down) but really the last thing that I want to do is socialize with these people. Dana seems nice enough, and we do have something in common, but I don't know if that would help or hinder a friendship. I was about to offer my congratulations on the house, but then the couple in front of me began making out.....I glance over at Mac and I can't help but notice the hint of hurt in her eyes. I sigh, not knowing how to react. I clear my throat softly, and offer up a friendly smile as the couple breaks apart. "Congratulations Dana," I bite the inside of my cheek as I mutter the other man's name, "Fox."
Something inside me breaks, a piece falls off the mantle and shatters. I don't know why this bothers me, to know that Harm and I are living together makes me happy, but to know that Dana and Fox will be too, it just... I don't know, changes things. If they go off and get married and move in together, I know that this little redheaded bitch is not going to allow us to have a friendship, to talk to one another, to see one another, and that kills me."Yeah, congratulations." I mumble heartlessly after Harm. I know that he saw the look in my eyes when Fox announces that he's bought Dana a house, I don't want him to think that I still want Fox, because I don't. Harm is the only man I want. But inside, a part of me still loves him.I feel Harm's grip tighten on me, and I look over at him. He's smiling and I smile back, as best I can. Leaning over, he kisses my temple and then leans down to my ear. "I love you." I close my eyes and nod, realizing that the couple in front of us doesn't even know we're there anymore."I love you too Harm." He doesn't know how much I want us all to be friends, if not friends, at least get along. I know that he and Dana would have a lot in common, they're both skeptics, and we could all have a good time together, if they would all just give it a chance. Sometimes I feel as if the world rests on my shoulders, and my shoulders alone.
*I finally pull away from Scully, breathless. Her reaction was all that I'd hoped it would be and more so. I hadn't quite expected that reaction, but it was a pleasant surprise. I lean over and whisper in her ear.* "Let's get out of here." *I pull back and smile at her suggestively. I then remember there is another couple sitting across from us, and I turn to them with a sheepish smile.* "I bought her a house." *I say proudly like it's no big deal. I'm so excited about this, but I'll wait until I'm alone with Scully and show her just how much.* "Thanks for inviting us, but we really should be going. We've got a lot of work to do." *I say as politely as I can. I stand up and take Scully's hand to help her out of the booth, not letting go once she is standing beside me.* "Harm, Sarah." *I say as I nod in their direction.* "See you around." *I simply say as I turn to look at Scully so we can get out of here.*
Harm's grip on me tightens even more as I nod a pleasant goodbye and watch them walk out of the restaurant. But for some reason, I feel as if he's walking out my life, not just McMurphy's."Hey..." Harm whispers. I'm sure he felt me shiver. "You okay?" I nod and lean against him, glad to have his strength with me."Yeah Harm, I'm finally okay. Because I'm with you." I look up at him and he smiles. Leaning down, he kisses me passionately, something hiding behind it, something saying that it could turn into more. I giggle as I feel his fingertips on my thigh."Wanna go back to the house and skip the rest of work today?""Harmon Rabb Jr.! Are you thinking about being rebellious?" I ask, as if I'm shocked as hell."Maybe..." He says, leaning down to my ear. "Our cases are done for the week, the new cases coming in can wait till morning. I'm sure that if we ask the Admiral he won't mind." I watch as he removes his cell from his pocket and hits speed-dial number two. "Admiral, it's Rabb. Do you mind if Mac and I take the afternoon off?" His hand clasps mine as he smiles over at me. "Yes Sir, our cases are done. ...And yes Sir, we will start fresh early in the morning. ...You too Sir." He hangs up, stands up, and pulls me out of the booth. "Come on Jarhead, let's go have some fun." I giggle and follow quickly behind.